All this talk of Venus turns my mind to sex. Sex is so very complicated when you’ve awakened. To some it’s a contract, to some it’s a gateway, to others a connection to the divine, or a connection to earth. Sex gets complicated. I had to start examining my relationship with sex when I saw my partners raising eyebrows at my lack of limitations or boundaries. The new age gurus telling me about this out of body experience that sex should be, really through me for a loop. Tantric experiences that moved beyond orgasm, kundalini releasing and all kinds of aspirations that I should be aware of made me question my experience and ability. Is something off about me? Should there be more taboos or more limitations? Should there be fewer? Should certain things have waited for marriage? Are there parts of my soul self that should be more accessible? The questions came rolling along with a lot of naivety, and lots of sprinkles of panic and shame. But I did the work relived the good the bad and the ugly and here is what I’ve learned about myself.
I love sex. Unashamedly and whole heartedly. I love that it lubricates the joints, slows the aging process on the skin, boosts the immune system, gets the lymphatic system flowing and even regulates blood flow. Physically sex is magnificent. For most people it feels good and is good for you.
I love the energy that men give off when they want and are having great sex. I’m an empath and I’m crazy sensitive to energy and even more sensitive to touch. The difference being as dramatic as say- Being hit by a Mini Cooper vs being hit by a freight train, fully loaded, full momentum. I’m really sensitive to touch. So good sex is like being washed away in a tidal wave of emotion and deep desire and passion and the inexplicable root vibrations that I can’t get enough of… if it’s good.
The actual act of sex is only in close comparison to that tidal wave of energy when the soul level connection is also there. And in my past that hasn’t always been strong enough to compare to the more earthly energy. There are so many types of connections and they aren’t always enough to hold us. I know why people believe that sex creates bonds but I feel like I already have connections with the people I meet. For me it’s not creating bonds so much as exploring existing ones, determining depth and testing their source.
I’m as much at home in the dark as I am in the light so I’m open to the star chakra connection and the ultra high vibration/frequency mingling. Still as often as I’ve delved into this side with my twin flame, it (toward the end) left me unsatisfied. It wasn’t enough.
Star lovers are great but sometimes that “me Tarzan you Jane” connection is exactly what the doctor ordered.
I think low vibrations get a bad rap in the new age world. Low= bad right? But there is a reason Jesus spent so much time among the lowest members of society. Siddartha didn’t find enlightenment in the temples or the scriptures. He had a mini meltdown sat under a tree to chill out and poof there it was. Low vibrations and earthy experience teaches us So much! In my heart (or maybe in my roots ?) the human experience means embodying/embracing Earthiness for our soul benefit.
The most present and the most alive I’ve felt has been in embracing my human-ness. As far as sex goes the best sex I’ve had wasn’t the times that took me to the stars. No, it was the times I felt my nerves firing, my skin tingling, breath caught, heart pumping out of chest, muscles moving in sync with my partner… just in my body and feeling everything, reacting to everything. The human experience was the best part.
Where I struggle with the human experience though is in the aftermath. When the energy has dissipated and my physical limitations have been reached. I’m not a fan of feeling sedated or deflated. nor do I want to spend moments in stillness with someone who isn’t a soul connection. The downside of my touch sensitivity is the things I pick up when that low vibration falls too low. The dark thoughts, the depression, the suicidal thoughts or worse roll in when the energy is too low. And when the energy has been expended leaving us vulnerable and truly naked, all the fears come to play. Whereas the star chakra lover leaves me physically unsatisfied and unmanageably high vibrationally, the root man often leaves me physically satisfied but depressingly low.
I’m left with the query – what happens with a partner who is like me, who can easily transition from roots to stars? Does my ecstasy lie somewhere in the middle? I think it does. I think somewhere between twin flame and Tarzan is my happy place lol.
Venus In Retrograde has left me thinking a lot about what I actually want and it’s made me revisit sex and what’s truly important to me. I want ecstasy. I want light and shadow, earthly pleasures and divine soul spark. I do want it all. It really is important to me, more than I realized previously.
I am also completely fine with my boundaries or lack of at the moment. I know myself and I love feeling limitless. No shame, no second guessing my truth. I am what I am.
The other thing I had to come to terms with was doing better now that I know better. For me that means holding off on sex until I find what I’m looking for or until it finds me. And knowing it’s not deprivation and not holding myself back but really remembering that I’m too fabulous to accept less than ecstasy. I wrote it down so I could make it true. Whew! That made me feel so witchy! Mind you the description was so far from what I expected, I could only laugh. Nothing really physical. A few years ago (or really a months ago) it would have been all requests for size and endurance. Now it’s less about hos physicality and more about how I want to feel. What I want to experience and more. Who knew my wish list for a partner would be so much about me? And not in an ego driven way but more in a self appreciating soul and body satisfying way. It’s liberating.
Ecstasy is my goal in this lovely retrograde. I love sex but I’m graduating to ecstasy.