Are you enough? This question leaves so many of us uncertain. It’s the biggest obstacle between us and the life we want. Are you good enough? Loving enough? Successful enough? Pretty enough… oh the list goes on forever. But the answer changes everything. In this season of change it’s growing more important.
For a long time I chased love. Why won’t the universe send me a lover? Why can’t I get married? Why ? And the digging led me to the truth- Me! Lol. Not life, not God, not circumstances. me. Fear kept reverberating in my voice. I’m not enough and until I’m enough nobody can love me. I created the parameters and life was simply complying with my wishes. Problem of course is I never turned that record off. I had to see the issue and quietly turn it off. I didn’t know what else to do but turns out that was enough.
What record is still being sung by your inner most thoughts? When you do something wrong is your first reaction- I’m so stupid!- mine was. When you see something you want is your reaction something akin to – I’ll never be able to afford that!- or – I wish I could…- ? It’s pretty common. All you have to do is turn them off. No need to search for magic phrases or affirmations for this one. It’s enough to simply stop blocking the things you want. If that cute red sports car catches your eye – enjoy it! It’s amazing, it’s fast it’s great! I’d love one. And that’s it. Turn off the impulse to pass judgement on yourself. It’s price tag has no reflection on who you are or where you are in your life.
Whew! What an amazing idea! The experiences we are presented with don’t have to hold reflections of ourselves in them. Contrary to popular mindfulness culture, the experiences you find in life can just be experiences. That accident you were in does not have to mean you were thinking the wrong thing or feeling the wrong thing or attracting the wrong thing. It can just be an accident. You can decide to use it as a tool to be grateful for life, thankful for you’re amazing car that saved you, use it as a tool to remember how awesome your family is and all you have to be grateful for. It’s up to you. It’s not a measure or reflection of you but rather an experience that you get to learn and grow from.
In the beginning of your spiritual journey learning the power of emotions and thoughts is huge! But once you get going you get to step outside of that place and see the larger perspective- changes everything. When you are strong enough in your knowing to relinquish the idea of control the truth becomes more clear. Your truth becomes more clear. How can you ever be enough if every bad thought or bad emotion draws bad things? The moment anything unpleasant occurred you’d be thrust back into self loathing. If you want to stop the negative self talk give up the idea that you control your circumstances. You get to make choices every day and those decisions have a massive impact on your life but you are still a small part of a vast and complicated cosmos who functions in ways none of us can understand fully. Let the vast and complicated worry about the how and the when. You just focus on being ready for when it does happen.
Being unprepared leads to insecurity in ways we forget about. Yet it’s the easiest fix. If you are telling yourself you wont get a better job because you’re not good enough, ask yourself what enough looks like. Then tackle that list. Take a course on interacting with co workers, start an online excel program, pick up a grammar book and study a chapter at a time… turn yourself into your ideal and when the time comes for opportunity to knock- bask in your accomplishments and take your new place with pride. You can turn yourself into enough one small action at a time. Get to know yourself and your insecurities and build yourself up. You deserve it.
Prep is a little different but more important with dating. We are so quick to say- men/women don’t like me because I’m not____ enough. Realize first that we place the objects of our obsession in place of ourselves because it’s easier than being honest. “I don’t like me because I’m not ____ enough.” Did you know that about yourself? Some of us don’t. Sometimes that’s enough to stop the narrative, sometimes we have to prep. Find a good therapist, or 12 step process if it is needed. For things you can’t change, find role models who rock those aspects and use their greatness to power you forward. Not to obsess over but to remind yourself you can have these aspects and be loved/admired/celebrated. -see, annoying voice in my head, she’s dark skinned and fabulous just like me!- it really does work. If you remind that record when you hear it often enough you disrupt the playback and take your power back. for the things you can change start small- if it’s weight, walk a few minutes a day after work. It doesn’t have to be about numbers but about feeling good about yourself. It might seem pointless on day 2 but on day 62 when your rocking that new dress and you notice how sexy your legs look I promise that voice that kept you small will be a whole lot harder to hear.
You get to feel like enough! You get to say to yourself I am enough! Good enough, smart enough, sexy enough, loveable enough, capable enough to do anything and be anything my soul desires. You may not feel that way right now, but you can get there one step at a time. Take the first step you’re worth it.